I find myself talking to my female friends a lot about relationships. Being the Old Married Guy, brings with it a little bit of knowledge about certain things. I know a lot of girls that are pretty phuckin' awesome, but have trouble meeting guys. For some reason, they don't think that there a lot of good guys out there. But there are. They're everywhere. I personally cannot stand it when a woman says, "there aren't any good men out there!" " All the good men are taken!" "Men ain't shit!" I have to say this loses a little bit of affect because you can't hear my whiny female voice impersonation. It's actually very good. ANYWAY, i always think how can any woman think this way? i mean, your girlfriends and other women you know are getting married left and right, correct? Your college roommate? getting married. Your younger cousin? getting married. That bitch at the bank that you make SURE you don't stand in her line, cuz God help you, you WILL beat that bitches ass? getting married. so you know for a fact that good men are out there, cuz you KNOW women getting married. What? Did they just HAPPEN to walk under the good man tree and one just fell on top of her?here are a few tips for the Ladies to make one step closer to finding the right guy:
1. Be Friendly: No man wants to walk up on a woman scowling. For God's sake smile. I know a buncha sistas who act like they don't have to smile. "WHY I GOTTA SMILE ALL THE TIME?(again, losing something without the whiny voice impersonation)". Seriously though, who would want to talk to woman who looks like she's gonna bite their head off? EXAMPLE: have ever been somewhere and seen a woman strike down every guy that comes and talks to her? she's waiting on the RIGHT guy to come talk to her. But she swattin' men away like King Kong with Bi-planes. And bein' an ASS about it. The man she WANTS to come talk to her is lookin' at this going, "there's no way in hell i'm going to talk to that broad. Look how she's chewin' those brutha's up and spittin' em out. Phuck that!" Think about it Ladies. How are you going to get a good guy, if YOU'RE NOT A GOOD GIRL? in the words of Lyfe Jennings, "don't be a nickel out here lookin' for a dime". Be nice, or polite to the losers coming to try to talk to you. "No thanks, i have a drink, but i appreciate the offer." "I'm actually waiting here for my girlfriends, and they'll be here in a minute, but i am truly flattered." The guys leave, and then BOOM BOOM POW, the guy you WANT saunters up. Fish in a barrel Ladies.
2. SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT THE HELL UP!: Female Friends, don't take this the wrong way. i LOVE to hear you talk. Men LOVE to hear the woman they adore opinions on many things. But we do not need to know your deep thoughts on every thing under the phucking SUN! I mean, it's perfectly okay to sit here and hold my hand, or lay with your head upon my chest, without asking me what i'm thinking. I was thinking it was nice and quiet before you started asking me shit. When we're watching a movie at home, don't take this opportunity to ask me stuff. Wait til after the movie or before the movie starts. Sitting there thinking, "i wonder if he's thinking about(insert stereotypical girl question here)? You wanna know what we're thinking? "Why would giant robots that can transform into vehicles and back into robots need decals to identify if they're on one side or the other"? We ain't that deep. Also, there's nothing wrong with "letting" your man win an argument every once in a while. if it keeps the peace in the house, and keeps you happy in the long run, what are you really losing? Let HIM get the last word sometimes. the problem with most women is a truth that the majority refuse to admit: They'd rather be right, than happy.
3. The 18th Letter: There's not that big of a jump from a woman going from pretty to petty. I personally gotta tell you, of all the things i absolutely ADORE about women, this jumps up and tries to snatch it away. i'm going to say this for the Ladies in the cheap seats: When y'all sit around doggin' other women, it makes you look ugly. The pettiness and jealousy have got. to.stop. i mean, damn! i know this is like a sport to a lotta women. get around your girls and you can giggle and point fingers and talk about who shouldn't be wearin' what. and what one woman heard about another woman and so on and so forth. it makes you seem like you're actually jealous and envious of the woman your talking about. or WORSE, it makes you look like a bully. picking on some other woman just for shits and giggles. how would you feel if you were constantly around men saying things like, "well he only drives that Maybach because he's got a little dick." "Everybody KNOWS the only reason he plays basketball so well is because he was sexually abused by his uncle when he was a kid". "Did you hear that Earl, Jason, and Eddie Murphy were caught in a threesome? Yeah man, they on the DL!" You see how stupid that shit sounds? imagine hearing that from every man in your life for 30 plus years, and see if YOU didn't want to retreat to the awesomeness of the NFL.
4. Parachutes: Nothing makes me sadder than to see a great woman in a relationship with a crap ass guy. And i know, THERE ARE A LOT of crap ass guys out there. but for some reason, a woman will stay with this crap ass punk for YEARS possibly, instead of jumping out of plane that's gonna do nothing but crash. EVERYONE can see it except you. He doesn't treat you the way you deserve. He doesn't appreciate you the way you feel you should be. He's incredibly self centered. And yet and still you STAY with these crab asses! instead of grabbing a life vest and abandoning ship, y'all wanna be the band on the Titanic! A woman will feel like since she invested X amount of years into a relationship, she can't leave now. WTF?! Why the hell not? Girrrrrrrl. Dump his ass, and move on. You can tell how your friends feel about him, cuz when the latest thing comes up, and you talk about breaking up with him, your girls go, "yeah, maybe it's run its course". and then when yo ass gets back with him, they have to be all, "yay, i knew you'd work it out". He sucks. Let him go. He's standing in the doorway blocking your view of other guys who ARE worthy of your time and love. LET. HIM. GO. don't be afraid to see these men for who they really are. i know it's scary to be alone at some points in your life, but you don't wanna be with someone who's dragging you down. Just cuz you don't wanna be by yourself. You can do better. Much better. Just open your eyes and SEE.
Well that's my time Ladies. I hope you take this to heart. I'm saying this because i love you all so much. i grew up in a family full of women. i'm married to a wonderful(but crazy. the good crazy) woman. and i have two daughters. i just want you all to be happy to the full extent and potential that you can. Peace and Love to you all...
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